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It altered my "advice" or perspective slightly from what it may have been had I had more word choices available.
In truth, it is the other way around: only by starting the healing process can true forgiveness ever occur.
It may be the church’s fault for having a ridiculous celibacy doctrine, it may be the woman’s fault for getting emotionally involved with a priest, and it may be the priest’s fault for getting emotionally involved with the woman. The woman is stunned when the person she loved the most, who showed her nothing but kindness, caring and love before, suddenly turns on her when she did nothing wrong or offensive to him. As I said, the priest may try to get back together once the dust settles.
But the one thing that is hardest to swallow is the nastiness shown—whether it’s based on fear or not—when a woman merely expresses private words with the priest about a subject that has been shoved under the table for a long time, sometimes years. Later, she’ll come to understand why the priest reacted in such a terrible way, but the sting of the cold and superior attitude of the priest who is crushing her like a flower with his foot into the ground, is horrible and surreal. He may blame the woman for “ending” the relationship—yet another reason he was nasty when the woman put the cards on the table. Gradually it was once a week, then maybe once a month.
But, it is typically up to the woman to introduce the subject because the priest has too much to lose if he initiates the conversation and the woman rejects him. So, the woman should "ask." Ask what his intentions are.
In this day and age, most priests do not have the theology or confidence to leave and will choose the priesthood over marriage.
The woman has just suffered intense emotional and spiritual damage—to add the pressure of forgiveness on top of that might be too much to bear, resulting in even more unnecessary guilt.